DON’T BE SO INSECURE

Insecurity has a funny way of disguising itself. When I was younger, it felt like we were friends. I’d confide in her, and she always found a way to twist my thoughts so I could feel justified. If you don’t, then they won’t was a common refrain running through my mind. I was constantly concerned with everyone’s perception of me, and if I fell short or loved someone less than perfectly, I’d be devastated. They’re only your friend because… They only talk to you because… People don’t actually like being around you…

Every mistake became another reason for someone to leave or reject me. Criticism wasn’t just feedback; it became evidence of why people would never truly love me or proof that I was a fraud. You can’t give people reasons to walk away… If you’re not perfect, what use are you to them? These thoughts would come and go, staining my relationships and breaking my own heart repeatedly. I wouldn’t say I felt like a prisoner in my own mind, but it wasn’t restful. It was always an endless fight to think of something better or more rational. Exhausted, it felt like if I had to try so hard to believe something different, maybe my insecurities were right.

Determined to find some semblance of peace, I began managing my insecurity when I started therapy—both as a client and a provider. My own scars allowed me to deal gently with others, and the coping skills I developed became tools I could pass on to my clients. Still, despite my progress, there was no real freedom. A simple comment from Credo about the way I cooked cabbage would spiral into fear that he should’ve married someone who could cook better. A little soap left in the clothes I hand-washed felt like proof that I wasn’t domesticated enough, not womanly enough, just wrong for him. A client transferring to a different practitioner suddenly became evidence that I would never make a difference in my field.

I could identify an irrational thought, regulate my emotions in a triggered state, and even practice positive affirmations—but I was merely managing, not free. After watching a woman’s gathering online, Trust God for real, I realized that managing my insecurity wasn’t something I had to do. And, If I trusted God like I said and I believed He loved me like said, then I wouldn’t settle at managing, I’d expect freedom because He is the only person who could give it.

“This is where I'm meant to be, Me in You, and You in me. I don't have to prove a thing, You've already approved of me” Communion by maverick city music.

As we’ve discussed in previous posts, we often project our experiences with others onto our relationship with God. From a young age, we learn that love, acceptance, affirmation, and even relationships come with conditions. Mothers, fathers, friends, and lovers roll out a stage for us, and we perform—playing up or toning down parts of ourselves that don’t quite fit their expectations. In the same way, we roll out our own stage before God, thinking, If I do this, then God will love me more, or If I don’t do that, He’ll take His approval away. But the truth is, we can’t manipulate God’s love, acceptance, or approval with our efforts. He doesn't require performance from us; His love, His acceptance and His approval already happened.

2 Corinthians 1:20 tells us "For all of God's promises have been fulfilled in Christ with a resounding “Yes!” And through Christ, our “Amen” (which means “Yes”) ascends to God for his glory.”

• “But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God.” Romans 5:8-9 [ESV]. God’s yes to loving and wanting us already happened through the death and resurrection of Christ.

• “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.” 1 Peter 2:9 [ESV]. God’s yes to choosing, accepting, and validating you already happened through the death and resurrection of Christ.

• “God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure” Ephesians 1:5 [ESV]. God’s yes to sacrifice already happened. God’s declaration of your worth already happened. God’s definition of your value to Him already happened. He said yes to you already!

If we look back at 2 Corinthians 1:20, God’s resounding yes happened first. It happened before we were born, it happened while we were in the womb, it happened in the midst of our sin, it happened in the midst of our obedience, we didn’t and can’t make Him say yes. Our amen, our yes, happens after we accept Christ. Our works, are a yes to His love. Our obedience is a yes to acceptance. Our devotion is a thank you for His yes. Our lives are a response to His yes, not a ploy to get Him to say yes to us.

“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” 2 corinthians 5:17 [esv].

In therapy, I was introduced to the term "neuroplasticity," which refers to the brain’s ability to adapt and change in response to new experiences. For years, scientists believed that neuroplasticity peaked shortly after birth and then steadily declined as we aged. While our brains can still change, science suggests that the older we get, the harder it becomes to rewrite those connections. The links we've created—performance and love, vulnerability and pain, validation and worth, or physical affection and acceptance—can be managed, but according to science alone, they may never be fully changed.

However, scripture tells a different story. Through Christ, we have the opportunity to be born again, made new. Old things—those connections, patterns, perspectives, and beliefs—died with our old selves. We are invited to make new connections, divine ones, through the Word of God. We are called to renew our minds and hearts, redefining everything through Christ, not through the lens of our past experiences. The way we give and accept love must change after encountering Christ. Our sources of validation and affirmation must be transformed. How we define, move, and exist in relationships is now anchored in Christ’s fullness, not in our emptiness or lack. The old lessons from parents, friends, experiences, or heartbreaks are now like clothes that no longer fit—squeezing and pinching us in all the places where Christ has given us sweet freedom.

“I believe What you think about me. So I'll repeat the confessions of Your love for me.
Now I breathe The life of Your Word in me—So I'll never forget it” JOURNAL by Casey J.

When I think of faith, Abraham is the first person who comes to mind, especially Genesis 15:6: “Abram believed the Lord, and he credited it to him as righteousness.” In my earlier days of reading scripture, I would breeze past this verse, seeing it as just words on a page. But rereading it now, a few things stand out. Abram believed—he put his faith in God—and it, his faith, was credited to him as righteousness. This reveals a divine exchange: when we place our faith and trust in God, something profound happens. We often say things like “He will give us beauty for ashes” or “He will restore the years the locusts have eaten,” but these promises follow our response, after we say yes to God.

We believe and put our faith in God, and in return, something amazing happens. He reveals to us how He has always seen us through His Spirit. By surrendering our faith and trust, we gain a deeper understanding of true sonship and acceptance, of our value and His deep love. We receive pure affirmation, worth, and a new identity that comes from being seen and known by God. It's in that exchange—our faith for His truth—that we fully grasp just how precious we are to Him. We no longer have to manage insecurity with half-believed truths we create to feel better. We defeat insecurity by holding on to the only truth that matters: God loves us—He proved it through the death and resurrection of Jesus. God accepts us—He showed us on calvary. God desires us—He proved when He sent Jesus here to die for us. God established our value, once and for all, when He declared it through the blood of Jesus.

This is where we stand and rest, cling and run—where we finally discover who we've always been. Somewhere along the way, the opinions of others were placed where only God is meant to be. Our behaviors and choices began to bend and obey to the ever-changing, whimsical voices of the broken people around us. It's idolatry, really—when anything takes the place in our hearts that is reserved for God alone.

But God, in His infinite grace and mercy, calls us back and urges us to return to Him. It’s there, in His presence, that we receive His beauty and His joy. It’s there that we finally find what we’ve always been searching for—and what He has always intended to give us—a perfect love and a true identity, rooted in the only thing that has ever truly mattered: His unchanging love for us.