FAITH, FAITH, FAITH
He tucked his head behind the ultrasound machine as if he had a secret he was keeping from me. He ping-ponged from leg to leg, his movements against my belly moving from a slow drag to a quick scribble. Right. Left. Up. Down. He pressed, swiped, and stalled for a brief moment, before dropping his hand to his side.
“Did you take a pregnancy test?”
“Yes.”
“It was positive?”
“Yes.”
“We can’t see a baby on the ultrasound.”
He didn’t tell me my uterus was broken, but it kind of felt like it. He didn’t tell me my body was a liar, but I was embarrassed by her all of a sudden.
Maybe I read the test wrong I thought to myself. I should have taken another just to be sure. The first one was negative.. wait.. no.. you took it too early, Google said so. No, you’re pregnant, something is wrong with his machine. Why would you think you’d just get pregnant on the first try? You’ve literally never missed your period, you have to be pregnant. Ok, ok, ok. I’m pregnant.
“Baby,” Credo called me from my thoughts. “Let’s go back into the doctor’s office.”
immoveable faith is created from a deep knowing of the power and character of god.
Matthew 15:22-28, “And behold, a woman of Canaan came from that region and cried out to Him, saying, “Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David! My daughter is severely demon-possessed. But He answered her not a word.
The relationship between Jews and Canaanites was severely strained. Jews were encouraged not to mingle with, befriend, or marry any of the Canaanite people due to their idol worship and pagan lifestyles.
This woman did not pridefully, logically, or calmly approach Jesus. She cried out to Him with humility (Have mercy on me), knowledge of His character (Son of David), and knowledge of His power (O Lord.)
Jesus did not verbally respond to her cry. How many of us, when we cry out to Jesus and He doesn’t answer immediately, begin to question His love for us, His word, or His power? Remember the heart posture and boldness of the Canaanite woman before you turn away.
“And His disciples came and urged Him, saying, “Send her away, for she cries out after us.” But He answered and said, “I was not sent except to the lost sheep of the house of Israel. Then she came and worshiped Him, saying, “Lord, help me!”.
Her ethnicity, the disciples conversation, and Jesus’s declaration of who He was sent to the world for, were all opportunities for this woman to relent, turn away, get discouraged, and stop her pursuit.
After what most of us would perceive as rejection, this woman approached him again and worshiped Him. In the midst of her trial, she stayed. In the midst of her crying, she humbled herself again. In the midst of her suffering, she didn’t leave His presence.
“But He answered and said, “It is not good to take the children’s bread and throw it to the little dogs.” And she said, “Yes, Lord, yet even the little dogs eat the crumbs which fall from their masters’ table.”
For the longest time I thought Jesus was calling this woman a dog, and if it had been me, I would have missed my blessing, because I ain’t no dog Jesus.
This woman did not get distracted by what or how she was separated from Jesus. Her eyes were fixed on who she knew Him to be.
Emphasis on “even the little dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters’ table,” Her humility was unmatched. It didn’t matter if she was the child, dog, slave, or ant on the floor, she knew who He was and the power he yielded. Even if she got a piece that was truly intended for someone else, it would still be enough to sustain her.
Also, have y’all ever seen dogs at a table waiting for something to fall? Eyes fixed, perched up, and expectant for a itty bitty morsel to fall for them. Let us all have this attitude when we are asking and believing for something from God.
“Then Jesus answered and said to her, “O woman, great is your faith! Let it be to you as you desire. And her daughter was healed from that very hour.”
Jesus has to respond to faith. We see it with the woman with the issue of blood, the leper, the centurion, this Canaanite woman, and the gift of salvation.
Our faith will get tested. There were countless opportunities for this woman to turn and walk away, but instead she stood on and professed what she knew to be true. Without knowledge of truth, your faith will always be weak.
Faith increases faith. Disciples and followers of Jesus were around him constantly. In verse 24, they were urging Jesus to tell her to go away. How much was their faith increased, convicted, and encouraged by watching an outsider know and proclaim the knowledge of Jesus no matter what? The testing of your faith is not just about you.
“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.” james 1:2-3
“Let’s test your HCG levels to confirm the pregnancy by blood. It’ll take about 20 minutes.” the doctor smiled.
What if I miscarried and my body just doesn’t know? I began thinking. That would be embarrassing. Hm.. maybe not embarrassing, I want my baby to stay with me. I want to be a mom. Maybe you’re not supposed to be. You’re probably not pregnant and just stressed from the move.
“What is the likelihood that I miscarried and just haven’t started my period again?”
“Well miscarriages are common in early pregnancy. Let’s just wait for the tests before we go down that road.”
The silence grew stale, like bread left open on the counter, my thoughts taunting and picking at me, snatching the hope right from my fingertips.
Credo doesn’t seem that concerned. I started again. He’s better under pressure. Maybe I shouldn’t be either. He really wants a baby though. What if it’s hard for me to get pregnant and stay pregnant? My mom had lots of miscarriages. Ok girl.. get a grip.
The twenty minutes stretched into a full hour due to the technician running the wrong test. Clutching my hands together, a scripture popped into my mind, Cast all your cares on me because I care for you. A sweet nudge of the Holy Spirit, reminding me I am not alone, and that my Father will always be my greatest help.
You are the all-knowing, ever-present, faithful and loving God. Nothing can happen to me without your allowance. You love this baby and know this baby far more than me. You love me and know what I need more than me. I am a mother when You call me to be one. This baby will live or die according to Your perfect will. I speak life over my womb and over this gift, whether I’ll only know them in spirit or for the rest of my life. You’re in control of all this. I love you, Amen.
“CASTING DOWN IMAGINATIONS AND EVERY HIGH THING THAT EXALTS ITSELF AGAINST THE KNOWLEDGE OF GOD, AND BRINGING INTO CAPTIVITY EVERY THOUGHT TO THE OBEDIENCE OF CHRIST” 2 CORINTHIANS 10:5-6
Our minds, demons, past experiences, and situations present thoughts to us every day. Some are clearly an attack, while others are disguised as protection or precaution. Regardless of their origin, any thought, belief, or imagination that we toy with and chew over that does not have the true character of God at its center must be cast down.
The biblical definition of "cast" is to demolish, refute, or destroy. How do we destroy or refute thoughts that come against the knowledge of God? With the knowledge of God! If my thoughts tell me that God doesn’t care or love me, there are scriptures that tell me otherwise. If my thoughts tell me that I am not good enough or that God has forgotten me, there are scriptures that tell me otherwise. Letting my thoughts run wild opens the door for deception and unbelief.
In Ephesians 6, Paul discusses the armor of God and attributes faith to a shield, its function being “to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.” Faith is not something that can be underdeveloped; it is essential to our walk with Christ.
trials, tribulations, and suffering test, expose, and increase the depth of your fAITH.
Immediately after saying amen, her phone rang again, and a smile crept along my face. I snuggled into the chair, feeling as if I were resting right in the palm of His hands. Regardless of what she said, God was still going to be God.
“Well, you're definitely pregnant. Let’s schedule you a little further out so we give the baby some time to grow before we check you again.”
After scheduling our next appointment, Credo let out a deep sigh as we exited the building. Mirroring my smile, our foreheads kissed, and he whispered, “We’re having a baby.”
faith comes before visible evidence; if you have to see to believe it is not faith.
Now, let the record show that my heart posture was nothing like that of the Canaanite woman. At the first opportunity to cower, I took it. At the next opportunity to profess what I knew about God, I professed negative outcomes and possibilities. Finally, when I turned my attention back to Christ, it wasn’t even me—it was the Holy Spirit in me prompting me to remember who God is and who is in control.
Prior to this, I had an assumption about myself and where my faith was. After this, He exposed where I turn and in whom I place my faith first. He opened my eyes in a way that could only happen through testing and allowed me the opportunity to tighten up spaces that were absent of Him. Testing isn’t because He is mean or vindictive; testing is a byproduct of His love and His promise to make us more like Christ.
