FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT—FAITHFULNESS
Slow mornings were the best part of our honeymoon. He always woke first; the warm smell of coffee signaled his absence from the room. Moments later, I would emerge, sleep still mercilessly clinging to the corners of my eyes. Still, there he was, holding warm coffee in his hands while mine cooled by the window. This morning, we stumbled upon a Delfae testimony about a woman's journey from New Age spirituality to Christianity. As I listened, my heart swelled with joy, love, and wonder at the character of Jesus. This woman needed Him, and He responded. She cried out to Him, and He answered, even halting an entire service until she approached the front and had an encounter that changed her life. She was His one sheep, and He left the ninety-nine for her, over and over again. But by the testimony's end, my amazement turned to shame and love to confusion.
Reflecting, I realized the glow of new salvation had left me years ago. I felt dull and unusable, yet Jesus's response to the fervor of that woman mirrored His response to me in my inconsistency. Despite overwhelming feelings of disconnection, His faithful presence was always felt and known.
THE FAITHFULNESS OF GOD DOES NOT DEPEND ON MY BEHAVIOR, DESIRES, OR ACTIONS.
By nightfall, sitting up in bed, I finally confessed, "I don't understand why He still loves me. I don't read my Bible enough or pray as I should. My actions don't reflect my love for Him, and I just don't know why He still loves me." Credo sat patiently, waiting to speak between my ragged breaths and sniffling into tissues, mostly listening. Somewhere in my perception of God, I had projected human expectations onto Him.
Among people, relationships often hinge on mutual benefit or usefulness. If I neglect work, I risk losing my job; if I break promises, relationships fracture. As a child, mistakes meant losing things I loved. In every relationship—parental, romantic, platonic, or familial—the quality of affection given is tied to my contributions. There is a level of pride that is constructed through this ideology that serves us in our humanity and binds us in our spirituality. It is dangerous to think that what I do for God causes Him to move on my behalf. It is arrogant to believe that I can change the heart of God by what I do. It is prideful to believe that I am in control of how, why, and when God shows up for me.
PROJECTING MY HUMAN UNDERSTANDING ONTO A PERFECT GOD AFFECTED HOW I RECEIVED HIS LOVE AND GRACE.
1 John 4:9-10 NKJV declares,
"In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins."
God's love, His faithfulness, stems solely from His character and His heart toward us. He sent His Son—an intentional, fully realized act—so that we might—still a possibility, an unmet condition—live through Him. In His greatest act of love toward me, He required nothing from me, showing He is unlike me or anyone else and defies our human limitations and understanding. Further proving that faithfulness is not contingent upon the behavior of another person, but a reflection of love and character of heart.
THE FAITHFULNESS OF GOD EXPOSED MY MISUNDERSTANDINGS of his character and the character of my heart
Even in my inconsistent devotion, God remained faithful to me. On days when prayer and Bible reading slipped my mind, He pursued me more diligently. When my thoughts wandered, He granted moments of peace. On days I faltered and turned away, He revealed His presence. His faithfulness to me isn't because of who I am or what I do. Regardless of my actions, He remains God. His faithfulness reflects His heart's character and His unwavering love for me. Similarly, my faithfulness—or lack thereof—to Him mirrors my heart's character and depth of my love for Him.
His love for me prompted action in Him. His love bore fruit that caused me to repent and draw closer to Him. Furthermore, my love for Him prompts action or inaction in me, bearing fruit that resembles Him or fruit that resembles His absence.
