TO LOVE AND TO OBEY II
“You’re too old to be tricked out of your panties now,” my dad said while drying the rims of his car. “If you have sex now, you laid down on purpose.”
Neither he nor my mom was a big fan of victimhood growing up. Often, they were blunt—sometimes offensively so. If I mentioned getting my boobs grabbed or my butt smacked at a bar or party, they’d always say in unison, “What were you wearing?” After I had sex for the first time, my mom was a bit surprised at my disbelief that it happened. Gently, she reminded me of my behavior over the past few months and urged me to consider my role in it.
Even when I was clearly wronged in relationships, they’d still ask me about my part. At some points, I felt like I was living in a house of victim shamers and blamers—I couldn’t stand talking to them sometimes. But, eventually it forced me to ask myself better questions. How am I participating in the things happening to me? What are my actual desires for life and relationships? What type of character do I want to have? Am I going to be an image-bearer of Christ or not?
As I kept bumping my head in the same areas, I began to notice a link between accountability, awareness, and obedience. I also saw a connection between passivity, laziness, and disobedience. At the point of salvation, sin no longer has power over us—we now have a choice. In simpler terms, we are no longer victims.
Scripture often uses the illustration of slavery to describe our relationship with sin. Slaves are victims to the heart and nature of their masters. We know the heart and nature of sin is death and destruction, and before Christ, we had no choice but to submit to it. But after accepting Christ, we are born again with a new Master, one with a heart of love and a nature of life and freedom.
In the previous To Love and To Obey post, we discussed what obedience means and what it communicates to our Father—but we didn’t dive into the tools needed to actually pursue it, so, let’s do that today.
the pursuit of obedience requires intentionality, awareness, and love.
There were many times I "rededicated" my life to Christ, only to feel disappointment or condemnation when I didn’t see an increase in obedience. For example, I wanted to dress more modestly, but the women I followed on social media, the college parties I attended, and even the TV shows I watched decreased my appetite for modesty and increased my desire to walk around with my boobs propped up and my booty hanging out. Another example: I wanted to stop cussing and grow in love for others, but I kept listening to shoot-em-up music and songs that fueled comparison and disregard for women. Lastly, I truly believed I was pursuing celibacy, while still spending the night, sleeping together half-dressed, and ending our dates with a few drinks at the bar and some wine at home. In hindsight, I can empathize with where I was at the time, and I hope as you consider your own pursuit of loving God out loud, you can offer yourself both empathy for mistakes and accountability for making the necessary pivots.
It’s foolish to assume that change will happen without any real effort. If the environment of my life, the nourishment of my spirit, and my habitual behaviors were being actively renewed through Christ, obedience would have been present. To believe that simply having a desire for obedience or feeling disappointment from disobedience would be enough to make me actively pursue it is deception. Scripture uses phrases like “renew your mind,” “purify your hearts,” and “be sober-minded,” which all indicate that action is required on our part beyond just a verbal profession. A desire for obedience is amazing, and motivation to change is wonderful, but your life can’t look the same while you are pursuing obedience. Again, if your life as you know it, was a safe place for obedience, you would be.
“We are allowed to do anything, but not everything is good for us to do. We are allowed to do anything, but not all things help us grow strong as Christians.” 1 corinthians 10:23 [nlv]
Free will gives us the freedom to live exactly as we see fit. However, after choosing Christ, that freedom to choose and be your own master is something we must consistently submit every single day. In doing so, we allow the Holy Spirit to actively transform us and shape us to look more like Christ with each passing day. Let’s explore some scripture about temptation, obedience, and submission.
James 1:13 “Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God” [for temptation does not originate from God, but from our own flaws]; for God cannot be tempted by [what is] evil, and He Himself tempts no one.
The temptation we experience comes from the sinful desires that were once [still if we don’t actively submit to the sanctifying of the Holy Spirit] alive in us.
To put yourself in a compromising position and say “God must be testing me.” lacks accountability, awareness, and knowledge of God. A perfect father would never tempt his child to harm themselves or negatively impact their holiness.
James 1:14-15 [AMP] “But each one is tempted when he is dragged away, enticed and baited [to commit sin] by his own [worldly] desire (lust, passion). Then when the illicit desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin has run its course, it gives birth to death.”
What do we learn about temptation?
Temptation is produced from un-renewed desires. Production of anything takes time. Likewise, being dragged away, enticed, and baited to commit sin takes time. Sin and temptation do not just appear in our lives. What has dragged us away from Christ? What has enticed us to remain away? What has baited us to commit sin?
Desires untouched by God will separate you from Him. Desires, righteous or unrighteous, conceive and give birth. Be proactive in asking God to examine your heart. Sometimes our own denial or unwillingness to see who we truly are makes us more susceptible to hidden desires.
Sin will always lead to death. There is not a safe sin to keep around. The deception of sin is that we can somehow keep it contained, but sin gradually takes ahold of every part of our lives. Don’t be deceived.
James 4:4 [AMP] “You adulteresses [disloyal sinners—flirting with the world and breaking your vow to God]! Do you not know that being the world’s friend [that is, loving the things of the world] is being God’s enemy? So whoever chooses to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.”
What do we learn about worldliness and our relationship to it?
We are called to be enemies of the world. You can’t have your pinky toe in the world and believe that it won’t bring your whole body back into sin. [Ex: I can’t watch Love Island [full of lust, rejection, comparison, and envy] and assume those seeds won’t show up in my personal life].
There is no middle. We are told in scripture that we are set apart, not of the world, and the salt of the earth. We cannot look like the world as children of God.
James 4:7-8 [AMP] “So submit to [the authority of] God. Resist the devil [stand firm against him] and he will flee from you. Come close to God [with a contrite heart] and He will come close to you.
What are the instructions for obedience?
Submit to the authority of God. Submission means relinquishing power, to obey, to give up control. Obedience has a heavy link to trust. If we don’t trust God it will be very difficult to be obedient to Him.
Resist the devil. We cannot resist the devil in our own power. If we could the scripture would have started with resist the devil. Through our submission to God, we are empowered through His strength, to resist the devil.
Come close to God. Resisting the devil requires energy and effort, even with God doing much of the heavy lifting, it’s still exhausting. While you’re struggling with temptation, run to God. After the battle is won, come close to God. The closeness of God is a refuge and safe haven from darkness.
James 4:9-10 [AMP] “Wash your hands, you sinners; and purify your [unfaithful] hearts, you double-minded [people]. Be miserable and grieve and weep [over your sin]. Let your [foolish] laughter be turned to mourning and your [reckless] joy to gloom.
What are the instructions for repentance?
Wash our hands and purify our hearts. We can’t do this alone. Our sins were washed with blood of Jesus. We don’t solely purify our hearts, we do that through the power of Jesus. Practically, when we are convicted—we need to move. When the Holy Spirit reveals something we need to let go—we need to move.
Change our attitude towards sin. When we believe sin to be fun or exciting it is difficult to turn away. When we still identify with the things in the world it is difficult to find identity apart from it. God is grieved and weeping over our sin, and so should we. He mourns over our sin, and so should we.
Humble yourselves [with an attitude of repentance and insignificance] in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you [He will lift you up, He will give you purpose].”
Approach the throne of God with humility. You cannot be holy apart from Christ. We can’t please God without His strength and His power. We have to get in His presence to be transformed and sanctified. Don’t wait and don’t let shame keep you away. We need to approach Him quickly with our sin.
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2 [NIV]
Philip Anthony Mitchell is becoming a favorite of mine these days. In a clip, he describes how much he hates his flesh and how disgusted he is with it. At the time of hearing it I thought, hmm, I kind of like my flesh, questioning if his attitude was a necessary approach. But, through my renewed dedication to scripture it was revealed to me just how deadly my flesh is to me—the pain and division it causes, the selfish nature of living in my flesh.
But, that wasn’t the only thing that happened. I also learned about how painful it is to God for me to return back to the very things He set me free from, and how dangerous it is to show others what being “kind of” holy looks like. More than anything, I learned more about who I am and who God has always intended me to be: a light to others, an image bearer of Christ, a living sacrifice, holy and righteous, His beloved.
As we all reflect on how to actively pursue a submitted and obedient life, let’s make it our mission to be continually transformed by the Word of God—because if we don’t, it could cost us our lives. We’ve learned that scripture is alive and active, meaning it can’t just be words on a page. As we continually and fully engage with it, our appetites will change, our understanding of God will deepen, and the sacredness of being in His family will become something we protect, not abuse. When we truly begin to pursue and know who God is and what He’s done for us, obedience becomes not just a response, but a privilege.
Take home questions/comment conversations
How is the media I consume promoting obedience?
How are the relationships I am in helping me pursue holiness and righteousness?
What areas in my life are the least touched by God?
What are my beliefs about worldly pleasures and how does that affect my ability to be obedient?
