THE THINGS WE SAY
“Watch your mouth” was a common phrase in the Allen household. Sometimes it was about a tone or an offhand conversation happening between us, but more often, it was my mom urging us to take more care in what we professed.
I’m not exactly sure when the phrase I’m dead became associated with laughter, but like clockwork, my mom’s voice would echo, “You dead to what?”—her eyebrows furrowed, eyes squinting with concern. With a deep sigh, I’d reply, “Dead to my flesh and alive in Christ.” Satisfied, she’d nod and go back to what she was doing.
Then, after hours of chatting with a friend about somebody or something, my mom would surface again: “Now how would you be able to witness to them after y’all just spent hours gossiping about some girl?” Not considering myself a witness to anyone at the time, her words went in one ear and out the other.
There were countless moments where her voice would boom from across the room or over the phone: “And you’re gonna have exactly what you profess.” “The power of life and death is in the tongue.” “How are you gonna praise God and curse man at the same time?” Back then, I thought cursing meant casting spells or wishing ill on someone, and I never explicitly did that. But saying things like I hope he feels bad for the rest of his life for what he did to me, or They won’t ever change, or I’ll never get more disciplined—that’s cursing too. I was hoping for shame, guilt, and regret in others. And I was cursing myself by speaking death over my own ability to change and evolve as a person.
So much of what is in our hearts gets revealed in what we allow to come out of our mouths. Consciously we can deny having bitterness or jealousy, anger or arrogance, envy or shame, existing in us, but our conversations, can tell us a much deeper story.
“A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” Luke 6:45 [niv].
During the height of my relationship with Credo, before we were married, I heard a lot of comments flying around from people close to me: “We know you’ll do anything a man asks.” “I could never pick up my life for a man.” “We know staying at home would be good for you, but I need a bit more.” “You better than me.” None of these were exactly offensive, but they lingered with a hint of something deeper. Whether we intend it or not, our conversations and seemingly “harmless” comments often expose deep-seated issues of the heart. The eagerness we feel when hearing bad news, the subtle satisfaction in someone’s relationship struggles, or the defensiveness and quickness to remind others of their faults—all of these reveal the darkness within us.
This made me reflect on what God has to say about the connection between our words and our hearts. Knowing that all dark things must submit to the light of Christ, let’s explore the power of the tongue through some scriptures in James.
James 3:4-5 “And look at the ships. Even though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are still directed by a very small rudder wherever the impulse of the helmsman determines. In the same sense, the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things.”
Our mouths can reveal our impulses, intentions, and beliefs. In the example, a rudder [tongue] directs the ship [actions, person, physical body], and the impulse of the helmsman [beliefs, intentions, heart posture] directs the rudder.
You don’t just say things to say things. Hanging our hat passively on “I didn’t mean it like that” or “You took it the wrong way” is a lazy approach to reflection and introspection.
Thought questions: What does this statement reveal about my heart and intentions? Is this statement reflective of who I say believe and how I am called to live?
James 3:8-12 “But no one can tame the human tongue; it is a restless evil [undisciplined, unstable], full of deadly poison.
What drives the human tongue?
Our hearts. Scripture confirms scripture! Jeremiah 17:9 “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”. We can not tame or control our tongues in our own power because we can’t control, tame, or truly know our own hearts.
Ezekiel 36:26-27 states “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will keep My judgments and do them.”
In order for us to be pleasing to God in our language and hearts, we have to allow Him to make us new. How are we made new? Through salvation.
With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God. Out of the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. These things, my brothers, should not be this way [for we have a moral obligation to speak in a manner that reflects our fear of God and profound respect for His precepts].
What should our conversations and speech reflect?
Our continual sanctification in Christ. We will never be perfect, and mistakes are inevitable. Still, if what is in our hearts comes out of our mouths, we are able to have daily heart checks about what is or isn’t being sanctified in Christ.
Our reverence for God and love for His commands and creation. Reverence for God is born from an understanding and knowledge of who He is and what He has done for us. We cannot love His creation well without first revering Him.
Does a spring send out from the same opening both fresh and bitter water? Can a fig tree, my brothers, produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Nor can salt water produce fresh.”
Scripture confirms scripture! Matthew 7:18 “A good tree can’t bear bad fruit. A bad tree can’t bear good fruit.”
This emphasizes that we cannot produce something that we don’t have. Furthermore, what we produce illustrates what is alive in us.
“Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips” psalms 141:3 [niv]
In previous posts, we’ve learned that we are made in the image and likeness of God. We’ve also explored the truth that the power of life and death is in the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). In the Gospels, we see Jesus speak death over a fruitless tree, and it withers. We witness Him command crashing waves and winds, and they obey. In Genesis, we see God create the entire universe simply by speaking. Since we were crafted in His likeness, what does this mean for us? It means we, too, have the power to speak life into situations, people, and even darkness—if we so choose.
Moreover, our words offer us a unique opportunity to know our hearts more deeply and gauge the depth of our submission to Christ. The more we immerse ourselves in scripture, the clearer it becomes that we cannot play both sides. As we discussed in the previous post, To Love and To Obey, we were bought with a price, and our bodies are no longer our own—they are temples of the Holy Spirit. This includes our hearts and our mouths. And what has He asked us to make room for in His temple—love, joy, peace, kindness, gentleness, self-control, goodness, faithfulness, and long-suffering. He urges us to remain planted in Him so that the once deceitful nature of our heart has no opportunity to creep in again.
In the end, words aren’t just words. The crass comments that “slip” or the sting of judgment and shame that “accidentally” hurt someone mirror the condition of our hearts to ourselves and the world. Our words either bring life or cause harm. Our hearts are continuously being sanctified—or we’re operating in our old, fleshly, deceptive nature. As children of God, we’re called to steward the freedom, power, and abilities that come with being made in His likeness. When we choose to submit our hearts and mouths to the power of Christ, we invite healing, restoration, repentance, and growth—both for ourselves and those we encounter. As we move through this week, let’s commit to examining what comes out of our mouths, knowing that our words are a reflection of our hearts.
