FREE INDEED
As I was getting ready for a date with Credo early in our relationship, my mother passed by the restroom a couple of times before finally stepping in. She started asking me questions about where we were going and what we had planned, while a Summer Walker song played softly in the background. Tilting her head slightly, she asked, “What are you getting in the mood for?” Laughing, I brushed it off, telling her the playlist was just on shuffle, reminding her I was just getting ready for my date. With a knowing nod and a slight laugh, she left me to finish getting ready.
In another instance, after telling a friend that Credo and I were trying to be celibate again, she watched as I started making dinner and pouring some wine.
“You know if you guys drink, y’all are going to have sex,” she stated plainly. “Maybe you shouldn’t drink when he’s coming over.”
I brushed her off, trying to convince both her and myself that, even if I did the same thing as last week, this time we’d have a different outcome. It was almost funny. Whether I was too deceived to see it at the time or I mistook my empty sorrow after each time we had sex as repentance, I realized I had been deliberately and willfully preparing in my heart and mind to have sex long before it happened. The music I listened to shifted, the shows I watched became more sexual, and even my conversations with friends would shift. I knew by Wednesday if I was having sex on Saturday, and every time we finished, I would cry on queue, and he’d remind me that we just have to keep trying to get it right.
The last time we had sex before truly committing to celibacy, the frustration of being the only one in tears finally bubbled over. I harshly asked, “Do you feel bad after we have sex?”
“Of course I do,” he responded. “I know it’s wrong. I don’t want to hurt God. I don’t want to upset you.”
“But you’re always fine after.”
“Because I don’t cry?” he laughed. “So you think that because you cry, it means you care more?”
“That’s not what I’m saying.”
“Kind of sounds like it. You cry, and yet we both end up in the same position, so how are we any different?”
There’s a deception we fall into when we believe that our tears bring us closer to repentance than actual changed behavior. It’s as if the tears symbolize love or a desire to change, but in reality, when you truly want to change—when you genuinely desire to live a life fully submitted to Christ—you take action. Not by changing your desires on your own, but by drawing close to the One who empowers and strengthens you to redefine those desires and align them with His will.
“WE KNOW THAT OUR OLD SELF [OUR HUMAN NATURE WITHOUT THE HOLY SPIRIT] WAS NAILED TO THE CROSS WITH HIM, IN ORDER THAT OUR BODY OF SIN MIGHT BE DONE AWAY WITH, SO WE WOULD NO LONGER BE SLAVES TO SIN.” ROMANS 6:6-7 [AMP]
There was always a moment before sex when the Holy Spirit would remind me that I had a choice. Whether it was Credo asking if I was sure or some technical difficulty pulling us both from the moment, without fail, there was always an opportunity for me to choose obedience. Each time, it proved that the freedom I have through Christ is mine to cling to or deny—revealing where my heart and dedication truly lay: with myself and my desires, more than with Him.
This leads to another deception: the belief that once we conquer our “big” sin, we somehow graduate from dealing with sin altogether. Before we got married, we’d say, “Once we stop having sex, we’ll be good for real.” HA! The naivety and foolery we’d swim in together. In truth, all sin is big sin, and all sin breaks God’s heart. But I didn’t always see that.
I noticed that my "big" sin shifted as my commitment to Christ deepened. When premarital sex was no longer an issue, God revealed the unforgiveness and resentment I was harboring. After I laid that down, He showed me the deep-seated insecurity that led to comparison and gossip. And when I surrendered that, He revealed my lack of Christ-like love and patience for His people.
Even in other areas of my life, God continued to show me the sins that lingered beneath the surface. I remember, in the midst of all the heartbreaking pregnancy news, a dear friend of mine shared ultrasound pictures, full of joy and anticipation for motherhood. I felt genuine joy for her, praying for a healthy baby and an easy pregnancy. But then, a darker part of me surfaced. Why can’t I have a healthy baby too? I thought. I guess it doesn’t matter if you’re married or not. God is going to do what He wants, whether you follow His way or not. That’s when He showed me yet another layer of my heart: entitlement, self-righteousness and pride.
we are entitled to the freedom from death and power of sin through christ as sons and daughters of god.
In His kindness and faithfulness, God has revealed to us—sometimes loudly, other times gently—that we remain bound by our own choosing. Anything He reveals to us, He has already set us free from through Christ. All we have to do is say yes! Let’s explore what freedom we have through Christ.
1 Corinthians 10:13: “No temptation [regardless of its source] has overtaken or enticed you that is not common to human experience [nor is any temptation unusual or beyond human resistance]; but God is faithful [to His word—He is compassionate and trustworthy], and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability [to resist], but along with the temptation He [has in the past and is now and] will [always] provide the way out as well, so that you will be able to endure it [without yielding, and will overcome temptation with joy].”
Spiritual testing from God is different than temptation that occurs due to lack of obedience and character.
All temptation has been felt, known, and experienced by another human being. You are not alone in your temptation.
You cannot be tempted by something you don’t have the power through Christ to resist.
Scripture confirms scripture! He provides a way out of sin. Proving He has given us everything pertaining to life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3) and He gives us the will and the desire to do what is pleasing to Him (Philippians 2:13)
Romans 6:8-11: “Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live [together] with Him, because we know [the self evident truth] that Christ, having been raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has power over Him. For the death that He died, He died to sin [ending its power and paying the sinner’s debt] once and for all; and the life that He lives, He lives to [glorify] God [in unbroken fellowship with Him]. Even so, consider yourselves to be dead to sin [and your relationship to it broken], but alive to God [in unbroken fellowship with Him] in Christ Jesus.
In order to live with Christ we have to be made like Christ. How are we made like Christ? Dying to our flesh.
Christ’s entire life was about glorifying God. If we are alive in Christ our lives will be entirely about glorifying God.
We are in unbroken fellowship with God through our relationship with Christ.
Through the death and resurrection of Christ we have the opportunity to be free from sin, death, and experience eternal life.
Romans 6:14,16: “For sin will no longer be a master over you, since you are not under Law [as slaves], but under unmerited grace [as recipients of God’s favor and mercy.]..Do you not know that when you continually offer yourselves to someone to do his will, you are the slaves of the one whom you obey, either [slaves] of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness [rightstanding with God].”
It is apart of our inheritance as children of God to have power over sin and death through Christ. We are free because of what Christ did for us on the cross.
Scripture confirms scripture! We are either children of darkness or children of light. We can’t serve two masters [Matthew 6:24].
“For this reason He is the Mediator and Negotiator of a new covenant [that is, an entirely new agreement uniting God and man], so that those who have been called [by God] may receive [the fulfillment of] the promised eternal inheritance, since a death has taken place [as the payment] which redeems them from the sins committed under the obsolete first covenant.” Hebrews 9:15 [amp]
There are many points in our walk with God where He interrupts our deception. Whether it's through our own selfish desires or a lack of knowledge, He continually reveals who we are and what we have obtained through Christ Jesus. Time and time again, He reminds us: You have power over sin through Christ—that’s a promise. You are justified and made righteous through Christ—another promise. You are alive and free through Christ—yet another promise.
"I can’t control myself" or "I’ve always been this way"—these excuses no longer hold since the death and resurrection of Christ. We are all without excuse. God has empowered us through Christ to live righteously for Him until His return. He provides the desire, the will, and the way to choose Him over ourselves. He has given us grace and mercy when we fall short, because He knows that we will. But more than anything, He has given us Jesus—our example of how to live, how to pursue God, and how to be obedient and submitted.
So the question remains: Will you keep making excuses, or will you say yes to the freedom already given to you?
